Thankful

It's weird how the idea of him going to Chicago for the weekend scares me. It's like I miss him before he's gone. Like I can't stand to be away from him. Apparently I was so tired last night that I fell asleep and wouldn't cuddle with him. He asked me about it, and I honestly just was so tired that I don't know why I did that. He let me sleep, being the best guy he is. He even left to get stuff for the store.
The idea of me sleeping at home in my own bed is a little scary. I mean, I love having all of my things, but it's nothing like being with the person who always says something for me to laugh at. The person who, when he's sleepy, will put his arms around me and lay his head on my chest as though that's the most comfortable place in the world.
I know, I know... I sound like I'm getting too attached again. I'm doing my best to be strong. I don't want D to think I'm crazy. But then again, when I told him my ex texted me and asked me to have lunch with him (I said no), D asked if he needed to lay the smack down on this guy. I don't know about you, but that means a lot to me. Though I think he was half kidding, I appreciate D's thought behind that.
Not much else to say. I'm just thankful for having him in my life right now. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I Don't Care

It baffles me that people I know use this blog as a way to tell me what I should change about my life.  I didn't start this blog so you can use it against me.  I started it to give myself an outlet for my thoughts.  To give me a place to confess my mistakes without judgement.  I advertise my blog on limited social media networks for that reason.  It's a shame that I have to hide my life from certain people for fear of what they'll think.

Trust me, it's not going to stop me from posting about my life.  I am comfortable with the life I lead.  People are always telling me not to give off a bad appearance, but I think it's stupid that people assume the worst.  I honestly don't care what people think about my life.  I'm thankful for the way things are going right now in my life.  I love my job, my family, my friends, my significant other, the cat that has become my baby, and whatever else is going on in my life.

I'm not changing any of that because someone says part of it is wrong or looks wrong.  I believe what I'm doing is acceptable.  Also, if you are going to talk to me about it, there are ways to say things with tact that are so much better than releasing judgement.  I know this sounds pointed and addressed to someone in particular.  It kind of is.  I just want to clear this up for everyone.

Decisions, Decisions

It has been a very mentally exhausting few days. I've had to make some tough decisions that I never actually thought I'd ever make. For once, these decisions aren't relationship related.

I have decided to step back from Fraternity things for a while and focus on my career. That basically means that I won't be volunteering for extra positions or responsibilities. I feel that I am not able to give the dedication necessary to do the job right. Also, I am not going to the national conference in Seattle this summer. I don't believe I'm in a financial place to be able to do that.

My goal from all of this is to become more responsible and grow up a little. I want to be able to do these things, but I am not in the best place to do them right now. It was hard for me to give up something I love so much, but it is for the best.

Don't Be Rushin'

You wouldn't believe how crazy amazing things have been lately.  Earlier this week, I had a freak out moment about D and me.  I started to wonder why we hadn't had "the talk" and decided to make our relationship official.  I asked my roommate's advice, and it aligned with what I thought I should do:  talk to him about it.  Then I thought, "Maybe I should get a guy's opinion.  Maybe I'm overreacting."  So, I asked one of my good guy friends the same thing.  Why, if we've been spending all this time together, aren't we really "back together"?  My guy friend's response was, "How long have you guys been seeing each other this time?  A few weeks?  Take your time this time."  And you know what?  He's 1000% right.  I have always tried to rush things in relationships, and that's why our first attempt at this relationship didn't work.  I pushed too hard, and he was afraid he couldn't give me what I wanted.

I've learned that all I want is to be cared for and thought of.  It doesn't bother me if we don't see each other for a while, as long as he finds a way of telling me that he cares.  That's what's been going on this time, and it feels like we're both happy for once.  I'm not going to rush it this time.  I was thinking something the other day, "If this is the relationship I'm supposed to be in, then we have our whole lives to worry about where we are in our relationship.  For now, we should just enjoy it."

And now I leave you with a quote I found on Instagram:

"According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces.  Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves."

-Plato's The Symposium 

My Time Away From Home

The past few days have been truly amazing! Since Wednesday, I've been spending my free time with D. After work, at a basketball game, making dinner at 11pm, relaxing, watching movies, and more. We both had the weekend off and spent the whole thing together. I've seriously never been happier or felt more at home. We've even been doing chores and cleaning together. It makes me see this whole thing as something that could really last. He even mentioned that I shouldn't have renewed my lease and just moved in there with him. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't seem like a bad idea after this weekend. I just think it's way too soon for us to do that. I worry that one of us would get annoyed by the other one fairly quickly. Oh well, if things go well, maybe a year from now we can reconsider it. Until then, I'm content with being kidnapped for a few days and not sleeping in my own bed. :)