Saying The Wrong Thing

I always do that... I see that things are going super well in a relationship, then completely screw it up, by saying something or doing something that's a little too much for the guy to handle just yet.  Part of me can't help that I freaking love the guy.  I shouldn't be liable for what I say when I'm in this state... What does he expect when he knows he's got me wrapped around his little finger.  I mean, I'll do anything that amazing man asks: dishes, running stuff up to the store, making dinner, laundry, fetching him water or whatever he fancies before bed, etc...  I'm not complaining.  I brought it upon myself, I know.  I sarcastically huff or complain, but he has to know I don't mean a bit of it.  Honestly, it's what I've always wanted: someone that will let me take care of him.

Don't mistake me for a fool.  Trust me, he does so much for me too.  He practically does all the cooking, drives us almost everywhere, buys things for me when needed without expecting repayment, etc.  I think we have a good thing going.  We take care of each other.  Based on what he says and does, he's attracted to me (though I have no clue why.  Dude could get any chick he wanted with that smile and sweet voice).

Now, I'm not trying to rush things like I did before.  That's stupid, pointless, and it isn't what I want.  I mean, I know I want this to be a forever thing.  I just want to make sure I know everything I can know about him before it becomes officially permanent.  I believe that would cause a lot less stress than finding things out later on.  I guess I just wish he didn't draw back so much when I say stupid things.  I kind of wish he would just tell me to take it easy.  That's kind of his job: to reign me in when I get to be too much.  He's good at it when we're in the same room.  He shakes his head at me, calls me ridiculous.  When he's smiling, I know it to be a joke.  When he isn't, I know it's his way of saying, "Stacy, calm down a little."  It's not as easy when we aren't in the same room.  He's subtle.  Doesn't come out and say what's bothering him.  I have to be able to see his face to know.

I just don't know what to do sometimes... I feel like I have to watch myself, and make sure I don't say anything stupid.  Oh well, I hope things will get easier as time goes on.

Ways You Can Tell You're Seriously Dating Someone

Over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed a big shift in my relationship with D. And to this day, we have not discussed whether or not we are officially dating. In spite of that, there are key signs that tell me we are together in an actual relationship.

1. He never minds if I leave clothing or other items at his apartment permanently.

2. I'm not afraid to discuss conversations I've had with my friends about our future weddings, etc.

3. He has shown me the house he's looking to get.

4. We don't do separate loads of laundry for each person.

5. Our physical relationship suggests we are seriously dating.

6. I help with chores and other tasks at his apartment.

Those are a few of the reasons that I can say we are officially a couple, even when we haven't had that talk yet.

Something New

Instead of talking about how things are going, here are some general thoughts I've been thinking, unrelated to certain people or current events in my life.  Specifically, I've been thinking a lot about weddings, marriage, and what it means to be married to someone.  Regardless of when that happens, I want to be prepared to be the best wife my future husband could ask for.  I've been looking at several marriage and wedding blogs advertised by different Pinterest people.  Let me tell you, I've found some awesome stuff!

One of my favorite recent finds is this blog called Simply Clarke.  She has this one post entitled "10 Tips for A Christ-Centered Marriage".  To give you a taste of what it says, #1 is "Be Best Friends".  This is something I definitely want to put into practice.  I hope that as time goes on, the person that I'm meant to be with is just that: my best friend.  The person I want to talk to more than anyone else.  It also goes along with one of my favorite songs: "You'll Always Be My Best Friend" by Relient K.

Of course I'm finding lots of wedding blogs and tips as well.  One of my favorites is from Things We Would Blog entitled, "7 Reasons to See the Bride Before The Ceremony".  It includes my favorite reason: getting the photos out of the way.  I definitely don't want to waste the guests' time between the ceremony and reception by doing whatever pictures we wanted as a couple.  I would still want to do one or two quick poses after the ceremony, but I want to be able to enjoy the reception with everyone else.

Last thing to mention:  I've seen different engagement ring styles, not that I hope to get one anytime soon.  Though I have realized what I like.  Women are portrayed by Hollywood and the media as wanting big, huge diamonds.  I honestly want something practical.  If it's too big, it'll snag on sleeves when getting dressed, I won't want to wear it anywhere and everywhere, and it's just more trouble than it's worth.  Now there is this one ring I found that looks like the Autobots symbol from Transformers.  If I wanted an impractical ring, it would be that one.

Like I said, none of this has anything to do with my current life situation.  It's just nice to think about these things and share them with you wonderful people.  If you have a blog or something you want to share, let me know.

I Love My Life

So, I know it's been a while, but things are going really well right now in almost every part of my life.  I have this wonderful man in my life who looks out for me, cares for me, who is funny, caring, and a goof just like me.  It's funny, I'm not usually this calm about a relationship.  I love that things are so solid.  D is a man that I'm happy to spend my time with.  I can't help but just be happy.  D misses me when I'm not around, and I definitely miss him too.

Also, I got a new position at work, and I start this coming Monday.  I'm super excited for what's to come!  I love what I get to do everyday at my job.

My finances are getting back on track.  Let me tell you, it's extremely tough, but I love knowing that things are going to get better.  No eating out, no extra trips, budgets for everything... It's a little crazy.

Anyways, I love what's going on right now.  It's stressful sometimes, but I've got God on my side, a wonderful family, a fantastic man in my life, and friends that I couldn't live without.  I hope whatever bad moments that come in fade away quickly.

Golden

I know it sounds like I'm wishy-washy or I don't know what I want. I'm not oblivious to how I sound. I read back over these posts after a few days of posting them, thinking the purpose of writing them is getting my thoughts out. It's helped me so much. Even if I don't follow through with what I say I'm going to do, at least I know what I was thinking/feeling at that moment. 

Now, D and I have worked things out. I've made it so that I have more time at home with my friends and family, but we're still able to spend time together. We were able to talk and learn more about each other, and I think that's helped me to understand why sometimes we have communication issues or this or that. 

It's clear that I love him and am not leaving or threatening to leave anymore. I want and love him as he is. Whatever barriers we have, I'm going to be patient and work on them with him. I'm thankful that he really wanted to work things out this time. 

He was right about my habits. I was upset more that it took that long to bring them up, than that they were actual issues. I have some things to work on, but doesn't everyone? It'll take me some time to get there, but I want him to know that I'm trying for me and for us. 

I realize that he doesn't really know what exactly what he wants from this, and I'm ok with that. I know that means I could get my heart broken again, but I've gotta take a risk if I really want this to work. 

I probably sound like I'm being walked all over, but at this point I don't care. I've got someone who takes care of me and lets me take care of him. Someone who misses me when I'm not around. Someone who I can tease and have fun with. Someone who thinks I'm ridiculous, but likes that side of me anyways.

So D, if you read this, know I'm in this. I'm not expecting things to move quickly. I just know that I want to be with you for as long as I can. I'm not going anywhere. And I promise I'll do what I can to make you happy. You already make me incredibly happy every time I talk to you, see you, or even get a text from you. I'll continue to prove it to you everyday. Yes, I'm going to screw up and say the wrong thing or get super emotional, I'm a girl. But at the end of the day, I'm yours, and as long as you want me that'll never change.

Oh and while writing this, I'm listening to Lady Antebellum's new album, Golden. It's beautiful. Give it a listen. :)