Over the past few days, I've realized how much I enjoy having guy friends. They don't have drama of their own, so they actually listen to what drama creeps into mine. Then they tell me to stop freaking out and cool off. I also like being there for them too. Guys go through stuff just like girls do. They just need to know someone is there for them.
I have several guy friends that I talk to almost on a daily basis. It's great! They just text me to check in and see how things are going. I've noticed now that I'm with D I don't talk to them as much, but I'd never stop being friends with them unless I felt it was compromising my relationship with D.
I'm so thankful for every one of my guy friends: A, G, R, S, and the M's. They're all amazing guys with a lot to offer the girls that will end up with them. I'm just grateful to be a part of their lives in such a small way.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Feelings
So, I just finished watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. No movie has ever rocked me to my core the way that did. So much pain and sadness was had there. I realize it's only a movie, but I get invested into stories and characters.
I can't even express the words that say how I feel right now. It's a mixture of thankfulness, frustration, hope, sadness, love, and hurt. No movie has ever made me feel so many things all at once.
I am so thankful that I grew up the way I did. Nothing can ever change that. It frustrates me how cruel some people can be. Those people are out there. Hell, each of us at one point or another has been cruel to someone. It's just frustrating to see how much pain it can cause. I hope that whatever pain I've caused in this world will fade away. It's sad to see how one period in someone's life can overtake them. I love my family and close friends for always being there for me even when I keep doing the same stupid things over and over again.
And I hurt for every single person who has experienced any kind of hurt in their lives. That includes you, dear reader. Believe that your hurt resonates with me. That I am here to help you shoulder that pain. Even if we never speak, you must always give me part of your burden. I am and will always be here for you. I don't leave when life gets difficult, so believe that I am here for you. That someone in this world is here to help.
I'm not sure where all of this came from.. I just wanted you to know that pain isn't something that you have to deal with alone.
I can't even express the words that say how I feel right now. It's a mixture of thankfulness, frustration, hope, sadness, love, and hurt. No movie has ever made me feel so many things all at once.
I am so thankful that I grew up the way I did. Nothing can ever change that. It frustrates me how cruel some people can be. Those people are out there. Hell, each of us at one point or another has been cruel to someone. It's just frustrating to see how much pain it can cause. I hope that whatever pain I've caused in this world will fade away. It's sad to see how one period in someone's life can overtake them. I love my family and close friends for always being there for me even when I keep doing the same stupid things over and over again.
And I hurt for every single person who has experienced any kind of hurt in their lives. That includes you, dear reader. Believe that your hurt resonates with me. That I am here to help you shoulder that pain. Even if we never speak, you must always give me part of your burden. I am and will always be here for you. I don't leave when life gets difficult, so believe that I am here for you. That someone in this world is here to help.
I'm not sure where all of this came from.. I just wanted you to know that pain isn't something that you have to deal with alone.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Visitors and New Friends
Well, the past few days have been interesting... I've been house-sitting for some friends, and I thought I'd be spending the week alone. That definitely wasn't the case. The dogs and I have had visitors every night. D ended up coming over on Valentine's Day night. We didn't do much. Just watched a movie and fell asleep. He also came over Friday night. This time he brought pizza and soda. We ended up watching some Duck Dynasty (I love that show!!) and sleeping. That night, the dogs woke me up like 4 times. Only one of them was a legitimate, "we need to go outside" thing. I got like zero sleep. Then last night my roommate and one of my best friends stopped by and hung out for a few. It was really nice having the company. The dogs are starting to drive me nuts. They go crazy barking for no reason!! At least their owners come back tonight. :)
I'm so thankful for how D has been lately. He's been texting me more, calls me and let's me talk about things if I'm upset, and really acts like being with me is where he wants to be. Still not sure how long he's going to keep it up, but I'm enjoying it so far. If God lets me stay with him for a good long while, I'm good with that.
Now, I've stopped meeting new people online for the time being. I did make one new friend. Let's call him "R". Well, R is like the guy version of me. He's a goof and gets excited over little things. We're going to hangout later this week. I like making new friends. :)
I'm so thankful for how D has been lately. He's been texting me more, calls me and let's me talk about things if I'm upset, and really acts like being with me is where he wants to be. Still not sure how long he's going to keep it up, but I'm enjoying it so far. If God lets me stay with him for a good long while, I'm good with that.
Now, I've stopped meeting new people online for the time being. I did make one new friend. Let's call him "R". Well, R is like the guy version of me. He's a goof and gets excited over little things. We're going to hangout later this week. I like making new friends. :)
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Happy Valentine's Day!
Well, it's another Valentine's Day filled with love! Family and friend love, that is! I knew from the beginning of this week that thinking D would do anything for me for Valentine's Day was a waste of thinking. Not only that, but we just started really trying to work things out. He has no obligation to do anything. On top of all that, his work is extremely hectic this week, so even if he felt he wanted to do something, he would either not have time or forget what day it is.
On the other hand, if he did still have some sort of plan, I would love it! I love surprises!! I just can't let myself expect it, then get let down. That's not fair to him or me. Maybe he's one of those guys that doesn't believe in Valentine's Day. It's hard to believe that, though. He hides it most of the time, but he's really a hopeless romantic just like me.
Aside from all that, I got to spend this wonderful day with my amazing mother!! She and I got to bake together and watch American Idol. She's an amazing woman!! I hope all of you have a fantastic V-day! Much love, hugs, and kisses!!
~SL
On the other hand, if he did still have some sort of plan, I would love it! I love surprises!! I just can't let myself expect it, then get let down. That's not fair to him or me. Maybe he's one of those guys that doesn't believe in Valentine's Day. It's hard to believe that, though. He hides it most of the time, but he's really a hopeless romantic just like me.
Aside from all that, I got to spend this wonderful day with my amazing mother!! She and I got to bake together and watch American Idol. She's an amazing woman!! I hope all of you have a fantastic V-day! Much love, hugs, and kisses!!
~SL
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Why I Love Him
It's crazy how one day can change everything. Yesterday, I went and did some work for an older couple that I love dearly. When I was done, I was hungry and thought I had some errands I could run, so I stopped by my ex's work (we'll call him, "D" from now on) and grab some lunch, maybe say hey (he's the store manager). I need to preface this by sharing the text I got from him earlier that morning:
"Morning sunshine hope ur having a good day so far. if not let me know if there's something I can do to make it better :)"
He hasn't sent me a text like that in so long. It helped me believe that he really wants this. He wants us to work. Well, I got to his work, ordered my food, sat down and ate. I just kind of chilled there for a while, letting him working and not bugging him. As I was thinking, "maybe I should go," he fixed himself a sandwich, sat with me and talked for a good, long while. He told me about how awesome work was that day, how things were going with his new roommates, and other things. I talked about work, my family, and what I've been up to lately. He stayed there with me until he had to finish up things before his shift was over. Something made me stay. He didn't ask me to, but he asked what I was doing the rest of the day, to which I replied, "Nothing." After he got off work, he followed my car over to the mall, and we walked around and talking, as I gave him the tour. To think he's lived here over a year and never really taken a walk around the mall except for work purposes!
We sat for a few, he asked me why I came by his work, and I had to be honest and tell him that it was really just to see him. Then, he decided to take me to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. The thing I love most about spending time with D is how much of a goof I can be when I'm around him. He shakes his head and makes fun of me, but I'm never embarrassed. I can tell it's one of the reasons he likes me as much as he does. Who else would he have to laugh at?
The Chinese restaurant was beautiful in decor, and made me feel underdressed in my hoodie and jeans. There was a little white bridge over a small koi pond with a fountain. The light fixtures looked like each translucent tile had been hand-painted with a different flower on each one. This wasn't the buffet-style place like we're all used to. This is one of those normal restaurants where you order from a server and they bring you the food. D and his "sophisticated" palate for American Chinese Restaurants (which he got by living in the Chicago area most of his life) deemed this place the best in Indy for Chinese food.
Once we were finished with dinner, he proceeded to take me to AutoZone. I know what you're thinking, "SL, why in the world would he take you to there? Was he getting something for his car?" Actually, he noticed that one of my brake lights was out on my car and took it upon himself to fix it. I told him he didn't need to do that. I could buy the bulb, and my dad could help me fix it when he replaces the headlight (the headlight got replaced tonight, in case you're wondering). Still, D bought the bulb, took me back to my car, and changed the light right there in the mall parking lot. What guy does that? In my head, a guy that cares and will do that for you for the rest of your life. Now, every time I turn on my turn signal or put on my brakes, I will think of how sweet it was of him to fix that light in the dark on a cold night.
Once the light was fixed, we made plans for him to come over to my apartment for a movie later that night. He had to go home, charge his phone, and change out of his work clothes. He showed up later that night, and we sat in my big chair together watching Gone In 60 Seconds. He let me lay my head on his chest as he put his arm around me. It's amazing to see how well we fit together. I'm not comfortable with anyone else like I am with him. I quietly giggled when he fell asleep during the movie like he almost always does. I know it's creeperish of me to watch him when he sleeps, but he always just looks so peaceful.
That night is one of my favorites we've ever had together. I hope for more nights like that one. Frequency isn't an issue. They don't have to happen all the time, but I like having that time with him. I can tell he likes it too. The way he hugged me before he left showed me that he cares. I hope that I'm not being stupid. I hope that giving him this chance won't backfire on me. So far it hasn't. He's texted me a lot today. You'll get updates on this frequently, I promise.
"Morning sunshine hope ur having a good day so far. if not let me know if there's something I can do to make it better :)"
He hasn't sent me a text like that in so long. It helped me believe that he really wants this. He wants us to work. Well, I got to his work, ordered my food, sat down and ate. I just kind of chilled there for a while, letting him working and not bugging him. As I was thinking, "maybe I should go," he fixed himself a sandwich, sat with me and talked for a good, long while. He told me about how awesome work was that day, how things were going with his new roommates, and other things. I talked about work, my family, and what I've been up to lately. He stayed there with me until he had to finish up things before his shift was over. Something made me stay. He didn't ask me to, but he asked what I was doing the rest of the day, to which I replied, "Nothing." After he got off work, he followed my car over to the mall, and we walked around and talking, as I gave him the tour. To think he's lived here over a year and never really taken a walk around the mall except for work purposes!
We sat for a few, he asked me why I came by his work, and I had to be honest and tell him that it was really just to see him. Then, he decided to take me to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. The thing I love most about spending time with D is how much of a goof I can be when I'm around him. He shakes his head and makes fun of me, but I'm never embarrassed. I can tell it's one of the reasons he likes me as much as he does. Who else would he have to laugh at?
The Chinese restaurant was beautiful in decor, and made me feel underdressed in my hoodie and jeans. There was a little white bridge over a small koi pond with a fountain. The light fixtures looked like each translucent tile had been hand-painted with a different flower on each one. This wasn't the buffet-style place like we're all used to. This is one of those normal restaurants where you order from a server and they bring you the food. D and his "sophisticated" palate for American Chinese Restaurants (which he got by living in the Chicago area most of his life) deemed this place the best in Indy for Chinese food.
Once we were finished with dinner, he proceeded to take me to AutoZone. I know what you're thinking, "SL, why in the world would he take you to there? Was he getting something for his car?" Actually, he noticed that one of my brake lights was out on my car and took it upon himself to fix it. I told him he didn't need to do that. I could buy the bulb, and my dad could help me fix it when he replaces the headlight (the headlight got replaced tonight, in case you're wondering). Still, D bought the bulb, took me back to my car, and changed the light right there in the mall parking lot. What guy does that? In my head, a guy that cares and will do that for you for the rest of your life. Now, every time I turn on my turn signal or put on my brakes, I will think of how sweet it was of him to fix that light in the dark on a cold night.
Once the light was fixed, we made plans for him to come over to my apartment for a movie later that night. He had to go home, charge his phone, and change out of his work clothes. He showed up later that night, and we sat in my big chair together watching Gone In 60 Seconds. He let me lay my head on his chest as he put his arm around me. It's amazing to see how well we fit together. I'm not comfortable with anyone else like I am with him. I quietly giggled when he fell asleep during the movie like he almost always does. I know it's creeperish of me to watch him when he sleeps, but he always just looks so peaceful.
That night is one of my favorites we've ever had together. I hope for more nights like that one. Frequency isn't an issue. They don't have to happen all the time, but I like having that time with him. I can tell he likes it too. The way he hugged me before he left showed me that he cares. I hope that I'm not being stupid. I hope that giving him this chance won't backfire on me. So far it hasn't. He's texted me a lot today. You'll get updates on this frequently, I promise.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
This is Why I Should Always Keep Writing
Well, what a weird few weeks it has been! So much and so little has happened... I should never stop writing. It gets me in all sorts of messes and makes me lose focus.
That same ex that I picked the scarf up from? Yeah, he and I have been trying out a friends with benefits (in the loosest sense of "benefits" you can think of). It worked for a bit, but I kept hoping he would say he wanted to get back together. That never happened, so tonight I got up the nerve to tell him that we couldn't talk anymore. That I deserved a real effort from someone. Of course to him, it was as though I'd cut off his arm. He even begged me for another chance. To prove that he really cares about me. I may regret this, but I told him that if he was going to try and prove to me that he cares about me, he has to know that he wants a relationship with me in the near future. We'll see what happens.
In the mean time, I've joined another online dating service. I may be crazy for doing it, but we'll find out. I've met a few nice guys, some only after certain things, but it's interesting all the different people you meet. At least one ones on the site are closer to me... not that I'll be meeting a whole bunch right away.
Aside from that, my friend from out of town came for a visit. It was so nice having him here for the weekend. However we spent our time together, I enjoyed every second. He's like my relationship cheerleader. He tells me that I'll find what I'm looking for, and I'm starting to believe it.
Outside of relationships, work is awesome!! I absolutely love my job! And fraternity stuff is picking up again, so I'll be off to Milwaukee on Friday! Spending quality time with my bros!!!
I know it sounds like I didn't say much. I don't really do that much, honestly. If you have some words of wisdom, comment, question, whatever, feel free to comment. Even if you feel like you have to be harsh with me, I can take it. Life is tough. The more opinions I have, the better.
That same ex that I picked the scarf up from? Yeah, he and I have been trying out a friends with benefits (in the loosest sense of "benefits" you can think of). It worked for a bit, but I kept hoping he would say he wanted to get back together. That never happened, so tonight I got up the nerve to tell him that we couldn't talk anymore. That I deserved a real effort from someone. Of course to him, it was as though I'd cut off his arm. He even begged me for another chance. To prove that he really cares about me. I may regret this, but I told him that if he was going to try and prove to me that he cares about me, he has to know that he wants a relationship with me in the near future. We'll see what happens.
In the mean time, I've joined another online dating service. I may be crazy for doing it, but we'll find out. I've met a few nice guys, some only after certain things, but it's interesting all the different people you meet. At least one ones on the site are closer to me... not that I'll be meeting a whole bunch right away.
Aside from that, my friend from out of town came for a visit. It was so nice having him here for the weekend. However we spent our time together, I enjoyed every second. He's like my relationship cheerleader. He tells me that I'll find what I'm looking for, and I'm starting to believe it.
Outside of relationships, work is awesome!! I absolutely love my job! And fraternity stuff is picking up again, so I'll be off to Milwaukee on Friday! Spending quality time with my bros!!!
I know it sounds like I didn't say much. I don't really do that much, honestly. If you have some words of wisdom, comment, question, whatever, feel free to comment. Even if you feel like you have to be harsh with me, I can take it. Life is tough. The more opinions I have, the better.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)