Lessons From Movies

It's amazing how movies and tv shows have a way of making you think about your own life.  Here I am, watching The Bucket List (one of my favorite late Jack Nicholson movies) and thinking about what my life will be like in 35-40 years.  After all my kids are grown up and out of the house, am I going to love my husband?  Are we going to have things in common besides our children?  How do I keep us from growing apart?  Honestly, I think some of this stuff has come from other places, but I'm going to share my ideas with you anyway:

1.  Having a regular date night - I truly believe this gives the opportunity to keep some resemblance of life before kids.  Without a date night, it's dinner with the kids, get the kids ready for bed, get things ready for the morning, and pass out.  How are you supposed to be a couple instead of just 2 people raising kids unless you have a date on a regular basis.

2.  Going away for a weekend 3-4 times a year without children - Sometimes, you need more than just an evening alone together.  Leaving the kids with your parents and taking off to somewhere within driving distance for a couple of days is a nice, moderately-priced way of getting some much-needed alone time.  You can still call the kids before bed and say goodnight if you need to, but it's ultimately a weekend about the 2 of you doing whatever you want to do together.

3.  Taking time to talk to each other everyday about each other (not the kids) - Whether it's as you're lying in bed right before sleep or on the phone during a lunch break or long commute, find a chance to talk. Just talk. About something you saw on tv, what's been going on at work, or, if you're me, sports (I LOVE sports!).

4.  Watch a movie at home after the kids go to bed regularly - Sometimes, when you know everyone will sleep in the next day, choosing a movie for the 2 of you and cuddling up on the couch to it is a nice way to get some quick alone time that reminds you of so many of those nights back when you were dating, and staying up late watching movies together (even if you fall asleep in the middle of it, at least you're together).  Of course, this one could easily get interrupted by a kid with a nightmare or soothe a crying baby, but at least you try.  At some point, it'll work out, even if it seems hopeless.

5.  Take advantage of grandparents that live nearby - Your parents want to spend time with your grandkids.  Without you around.  That's how kids learn some of their most valuable lessons, get spoiled a little, and become well-rounded adults by learning about the past.  They'll also hear some child-appropriate embarrassing stories about you, but that's ok, right?  While your kids are spending time with the people who raised you, you and your spouse can do ANYTHING!  Make it a productive Saturday or a lazy one.  Go grocery shopping, fix the leaky pipe, or lay around the house all day having a Star Wars marathon (one of my favorites).  Even if you're doing stuff around the house, you're in each other's company.

I know these things aren't spectacular or grand, but simple, easy, and mostly do-able.  I hope to keep these in mind for myself one day.

Saying The Wrong Thing

I always do that... I see that things are going super well in a relationship, then completely screw it up, by saying something or doing something that's a little too much for the guy to handle just yet.  Part of me can't help that I freaking love the guy.  I shouldn't be liable for what I say when I'm in this state... What does he expect when he knows he's got me wrapped around his little finger.  I mean, I'll do anything that amazing man asks: dishes, running stuff up to the store, making dinner, laundry, fetching him water or whatever he fancies before bed, etc...  I'm not complaining.  I brought it upon myself, I know.  I sarcastically huff or complain, but he has to know I don't mean a bit of it.  Honestly, it's what I've always wanted: someone that will let me take care of him.

Don't mistake me for a fool.  Trust me, he does so much for me too.  He practically does all the cooking, drives us almost everywhere, buys things for me when needed without expecting repayment, etc.  I think we have a good thing going.  We take care of each other.  Based on what he says and does, he's attracted to me (though I have no clue why.  Dude could get any chick he wanted with that smile and sweet voice).

Now, I'm not trying to rush things like I did before.  That's stupid, pointless, and it isn't what I want.  I mean, I know I want this to be a forever thing.  I just want to make sure I know everything I can know about him before it becomes officially permanent.  I believe that would cause a lot less stress than finding things out later on.  I guess I just wish he didn't draw back so much when I say stupid things.  I kind of wish he would just tell me to take it easy.  That's kind of his job: to reign me in when I get to be too much.  He's good at it when we're in the same room.  He shakes his head at me, calls me ridiculous.  When he's smiling, I know it to be a joke.  When he isn't, I know it's his way of saying, "Stacy, calm down a little."  It's not as easy when we aren't in the same room.  He's subtle.  Doesn't come out and say what's bothering him.  I have to be able to see his face to know.

I just don't know what to do sometimes... I feel like I have to watch myself, and make sure I don't say anything stupid.  Oh well, I hope things will get easier as time goes on.

Ways You Can Tell You're Seriously Dating Someone

Over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed a big shift in my relationship with D. And to this day, we have not discussed whether or not we are officially dating. In spite of that, there are key signs that tell me we are together in an actual relationship.

1. He never minds if I leave clothing or other items at his apartment permanently.

2. I'm not afraid to discuss conversations I've had with my friends about our future weddings, etc.

3. He has shown me the house he's looking to get.

4. We don't do separate loads of laundry for each person.

5. Our physical relationship suggests we are seriously dating.

6. I help with chores and other tasks at his apartment.

Those are a few of the reasons that I can say we are officially a couple, even when we haven't had that talk yet.

Something New

Instead of talking about how things are going, here are some general thoughts I've been thinking, unrelated to certain people or current events in my life.  Specifically, I've been thinking a lot about weddings, marriage, and what it means to be married to someone.  Regardless of when that happens, I want to be prepared to be the best wife my future husband could ask for.  I've been looking at several marriage and wedding blogs advertised by different Pinterest people.  Let me tell you, I've found some awesome stuff!

One of my favorite recent finds is this blog called Simply Clarke.  She has this one post entitled "10 Tips for A Christ-Centered Marriage".  To give you a taste of what it says, #1 is "Be Best Friends".  This is something I definitely want to put into practice.  I hope that as time goes on, the person that I'm meant to be with is just that: my best friend.  The person I want to talk to more than anyone else.  It also goes along with one of my favorite songs: "You'll Always Be My Best Friend" by Relient K.

Of course I'm finding lots of wedding blogs and tips as well.  One of my favorites is from Things We Would Blog entitled, "7 Reasons to See the Bride Before The Ceremony".  It includes my favorite reason: getting the photos out of the way.  I definitely don't want to waste the guests' time between the ceremony and reception by doing whatever pictures we wanted as a couple.  I would still want to do one or two quick poses after the ceremony, but I want to be able to enjoy the reception with everyone else.

Last thing to mention:  I've seen different engagement ring styles, not that I hope to get one anytime soon.  Though I have realized what I like.  Women are portrayed by Hollywood and the media as wanting big, huge diamonds.  I honestly want something practical.  If it's too big, it'll snag on sleeves when getting dressed, I won't want to wear it anywhere and everywhere, and it's just more trouble than it's worth.  Now there is this one ring I found that looks like the Autobots symbol from Transformers.  If I wanted an impractical ring, it would be that one.

Like I said, none of this has anything to do with my current life situation.  It's just nice to think about these things and share them with you wonderful people.  If you have a blog or something you want to share, let me know.

I Love My Life

So, I know it's been a while, but things are going really well right now in almost every part of my life.  I have this wonderful man in my life who looks out for me, cares for me, who is funny, caring, and a goof just like me.  It's funny, I'm not usually this calm about a relationship.  I love that things are so solid.  D is a man that I'm happy to spend my time with.  I can't help but just be happy.  D misses me when I'm not around, and I definitely miss him too.

Also, I got a new position at work, and I start this coming Monday.  I'm super excited for what's to come!  I love what I get to do everyday at my job.

My finances are getting back on track.  Let me tell you, it's extremely tough, but I love knowing that things are going to get better.  No eating out, no extra trips, budgets for everything... It's a little crazy.

Anyways, I love what's going on right now.  It's stressful sometimes, but I've got God on my side, a wonderful family, a fantastic man in my life, and friends that I couldn't live without.  I hope whatever bad moments that come in fade away quickly.

Golden

I know it sounds like I'm wishy-washy or I don't know what I want. I'm not oblivious to how I sound. I read back over these posts after a few days of posting them, thinking the purpose of writing them is getting my thoughts out. It's helped me so much. Even if I don't follow through with what I say I'm going to do, at least I know what I was thinking/feeling at that moment. 

Now, D and I have worked things out. I've made it so that I have more time at home with my friends and family, but we're still able to spend time together. We were able to talk and learn more about each other, and I think that's helped me to understand why sometimes we have communication issues or this or that. 

It's clear that I love him and am not leaving or threatening to leave anymore. I want and love him as he is. Whatever barriers we have, I'm going to be patient and work on them with him. I'm thankful that he really wanted to work things out this time. 

He was right about my habits. I was upset more that it took that long to bring them up, than that they were actual issues. I have some things to work on, but doesn't everyone? It'll take me some time to get there, but I want him to know that I'm trying for me and for us. 

I realize that he doesn't really know what exactly what he wants from this, and I'm ok with that. I know that means I could get my heart broken again, but I've gotta take a risk if I really want this to work. 

I probably sound like I'm being walked all over, but at this point I don't care. I've got someone who takes care of me and lets me take care of him. Someone who misses me when I'm not around. Someone who I can tease and have fun with. Someone who thinks I'm ridiculous, but likes that side of me anyways.

So D, if you read this, know I'm in this. I'm not expecting things to move quickly. I just know that I want to be with you for as long as I can. I'm not going anywhere. And I promise I'll do what I can to make you happy. You already make me incredibly happy every time I talk to you, see you, or even get a text from you. I'll continue to prove it to you everyday. Yes, I'm going to screw up and say the wrong thing or get super emotional, I'm a girl. But at the end of the day, I'm yours, and as long as you want me that'll never change.

Oh and while writing this, I'm listening to Lady Antebellum's new album, Golden. It's beautiful. Give it a listen. :)

"Habits"

It's crazy how one conversation makes everything clear. Apparently, the awesome person my friends think I am isn't real. I guess a few wrong decisions I made earlier in my life and a couple made recently have screwed up the chance I had to be with someone I care about. I'm not trying to have a pity party, but it really sucks that someone could not want to be with me because of a few things that I'd done wrong (all of which I have been working on, because I've seen those problems on my own). Not only that, but when I have to pry the information out of him so I can see why he's been acting the way he is, it just kind of makes me a little sick. I mean, I don't like the fact that D can't have a serious conversation with me in person that lasts more than 5 seconds, but up until now that wasn't a big deal.

My "Habits"

He's known that I'm clingy since the week we met and that I've been making the effort to cool my jets since we got back together. I'm not the one who says, "It would be better if you were here," when I spend a night or 2 away from his place. I'm not the only clingy one in this relationship.

Furthermore, I know my financial situation isn't the best, but I'm doing what I can to fix that. Also, I would never want my partner to think that I expect him to just take care of that for me if we ever got married. I've not once asked him for money or anything of the sort. My finances are my problem, and I'm going to take care of them.

Lastly, I know that from the time I moved out until very recently that I've probably drank too much a few times. That's why after a couple of weeks ago, I've toned down that part of my life almost 100%. Mind you, I don't see a problem with a drink or 2 sometimes, but there definitely won't be anymore nights that end in hungover mornings.

Those 3 topics were the "habits" that D didn't like about my life. My question is why couldn't he come to me with this sooner instead of just keeping it to himself? I deserve to know what's going on. I've always been told that communication is key in any relationship. The sad part is that's what my relationship with D has always lacked through no fault of my own.

He should be someone I'm close to and who is comfortable with talking to me when he's unhappy with something, especially if it's something that involves me. The more I write this, the more I see that I'm not the only one who has "habits" that have held us back from really being together.

Good luck to D finding someone who is as supportive and understanding about his work as I am. Good luck to D finding someone who never says no when he asks for something, whether that's doing dishes, fixing dinner, running to the store, taking a movie back to the redbox, or taking care of him when he isn't feeling well. I deserve to be with someone who sees my faults and understands that I'm working through them. I deserve to be with a man who will take real control of the relationship, instead of being passive.

I just hope both of us are lucky enough to find what we're looking for, because he's made it clear that I'm not what he wants.