I'm not sure what it is, but I can't shake this feeling. This feeling that makes want to just stay in bed and not get up. That makes me want to be around people, but not want to be around people all at the same time. I've just felt so out of it for such a long time, and nothing has gotten me out of it, even when there is someone here with me. I've given up on trying to find a special person. Any guy that I already know or have dated isn't it. I know that sounds final and sort of closed-minded, but I am feeling like there's a reason it hasn't worked out with anyone I already know.
Then again, what if the reason it hasn't worked out is because I'm just not ready? Maybe God's got some work to do on me still. I mean, if I'm feeling this way about myself right now, maybe I shouldn't be dating. Maybe I should just be working on myself. For the past year and a half it's been one guy after another. I've gotta take a break. Though there's one ex that continually tells me that he could love me like I want, I've been down that path. I remember how up and down that relationship was. I remember how it wasn't until after I broke up with him that he decided to take us seriously. How am I supposed to believe that things will be different? Better yet, how am I supposed to be in a relationship with anyone if I'm not sure about myself??
It's a matter of finding out who I am and what I want out of life before getting anyone else involved. I need to love myself first and feel good about myself.
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