It's been a while... I've been kind of putting off a lot of things the past couple of weeks. Though I let go of someone I love very much, I tried to fill that void with platonic guy friends, not-so-platonic guy friends, and the hope of a new relationship with someone I really liked. All almost at the same time, while battling with an ex who thinks he knows what's best for me (he thinks it's him, of course). At the end of the day, I noticed one thing: I am alone. There is no special someone that cares about me the way he did. I have to accept that I may not have that for a long time. It's a scary thing to feel totally alone. I mean, I love my girls. I've got a lot of them who look out for me, but it's just not the same.
I know there's that group of people that are thinking, "SL, you're a Christian! Isn't God with you all the time?" Yeah, He is, and I'm thankful that He's watching out for me. I know I'm alive and well because of Him. I just have this constant feeling that someone is supposed to be sleeping next to me at night. Not just any someone, but a someone that will always want to be here with me. Someone that smothers me with attention to the point where if I didn't like him so much, I'd be annoyed. Someone that understands my schedule and doesn't complain about it. I've chosen a profession that requires me to work weekends. It's just part of life. I love what I do.
I'm not sure what the point of this whole thing was except to get everything out. To have some sort of accountability for my actions. And to put this out there: If by some miracle, my special man reads this, I just want you to know that I can't wait until you get here. I've been missing you for way too long.
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